Years ago, I worked for a summer camp located in Kerrville, Texas. I served on the administrative team that worked year-round. Every summer, though, I witnessed the exciting, rewarding, and impactful work of the camp. 

The camp I worked for is located on high ground, further from the Guadalupe River than those so tragically affected. While it has been many years since I lived in Texas or was at the camp or in the Kerrville area, I have been deeply touched by the unfolding events there. Sadly, the finger pointing and blame began almost before the rescue teams arrived.

In this instance, or any other situation where there is a loss of life, it doesn’t matter who is to blame. 

In the present moment – and to those having the experience – the most important thing is that a loved one has died. What matters most is that their beloved parent, sibling, cousin, aunt, or friend died. In the immediate moment, how they died is irrelevant. That they died is most important. 

There may be more to work through later – the trauma and harm of the way they died. The suddenness of the death. The difficult experience of learning about their last moments. But in the immediate loss, there is only the loss itself. Who’s to blame is possibly the furthest thing from their mind. And for those family members still waiting for word of their missing loved one, the wait is excruciating. 

For others, the known is now. The next steps are equally hard and certainly unexpected. No one began the holiday weekend thinking they would have to make funeral arrangements for someone they love. This unexpected situation is made even harder by the unending news cycle that offers up pictures of the devastated landscape, and hourly proclamations of counts of those missing and those who have died. The immediacy of it all is its own layer of trauma. 

What is called for? 

What is called for in this moment is more compassion, more community and connection, more kind awareness of the grief. The way through such difficult tragedies is to feel all the feelings, not try to stuff them down or deny them. 

For those of us on the periphery, there are opportunities to be supportive. First, it may be necessary to take time for yourself and your own heart. Perhaps you are a bit like me in that you too, worked for a summer camp. You may find yourself awash in fond and challenging memories of going away to camp while being devastated by the current events. 

Give yourself time if you need it. 

Giving yourself time for the feelings may also look like finding ways to contribute to the efforts at hand. There are many needs. Seek ways that you can help with a charitable gift or by sending a message of hope. You may also seek out opportunities to volunteer or help in your own community too. Where can you be a helper? 

This is a time to mind your words. We all have ideas about how this happened and who might be at fault. While speaking of this may make us feel better and help our sense of sadness or outrage, our words can be harmful if we aren’t careful. Please join me in remembering that, first and foremost, people dear to others have died. There is a sacredness in the grief experience of those who lost a loved one. That is all that matters right now.