Grief has a way of waking me in the night. At first, I might not be aware that it is grief tugging at my mind. It can seem as if something else – a worry, thought, or memory is the culprit. 

As I wrestle with whatever it is at the same time trying to get myself back to sleep, I search for the deeper thing. Sometimes it is revealed to me in the wrestling. Sometimes I ask, “What is it, Lord?” Other times, my mind runs from thought to thought to thought without any apparent connection. 

And when I’ve fiddled around in the dark long enough, the grief itself comes to the surface.

It might take shape as a sadness over the ever-present losses of the world today. The environmental issues that are showing up in devastating conditions. Fires in LA and now on the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. Floods in New Mexico and Texas. Extreme heat. Or perhaps the shape is more like a glimpse, a moment, a word that reflects the person that deep down, I am missing. 

Sometimes it seems these losses multiply at night, in the dark, as if they were growing on their own. Crowding my mind with thoughts and memories. 

When I’m able, I slowly release my grip on these hard thoughts. I try to speak directly to them, letting them slip away to time and the boundaries created by darkness. It doesn’t mean they are gone entirely, just that they can ease up and I can breathe again. 

Making room for grief in all its forms is challenging. 

And yet, it is also an opportunity to gain insights, grow and strengthen resilience. It is hard, especially when it wakes me in the night. (Not a fan of losing sleep!) 

But rather than mentally chase feelings around in the dark, I try to practice something softer. Curiosity. If I can be curious about what has woken me, I can find ways to sit still in the darkness with it. 

In his book The Wild Edge of Sorrow, author Francis Weller suggests that grief is a pilgrimage to the soul. He says, “Grief asks that we honor the loss and, in so doing, deepen our capacity for compassion. 

We can choose to soften our hearts around the ongoing nature of losses in our lives.

It is here in these softer places that we may discover, once again or even a new way to live wholeheartedly. Weller says we need the experience of grief to live a full life. After my own experiences of loss, I would agree. 

As a grief coach, I work with people navigating the spaces of loss. As a funeral celebrant, I join families in their worst days to co-create ceremonies of meaning. Making meaning is an essential navigational tool for moving forward in the messy emotions of grief. 

If you are coaching curious or simply needing a way to explore the questions of the moment, I invite you to sign up for the 45-minute Live the Questions offering. 

This is an effective way to learn about the co-collaborative process of coaching as well as gaining insight about your own grief needs and how coaching might support them.