How easy it is these days to criticize. 

Often, I’m guilty of this – jumping in and commenting or sharing my observations about someone or something when it really doesn’t contribute anything or simply isn’t kind. 

I find that I speak up before I have all the information I need. Or worst of all, I turn someone I don’t know well or perhaps anything about them or an issue into another. They are no longer a neighbor but have become, through my critical eye, a stranger. 

I’ve been working to be more conscious with my words when it comes to criticism. 

In this divisive world, it is easier to speak criticism, find fault, express out loud disdain, or silently feel contempt. Aren’t those tactics more fun? 

I remember another time when criticism came easily to me. In a job where I was on a staff team. I’m embarrassed to admit that I spoke about people behind their backs. Was quick to criticize them or question what they were doing or even who they were. Many had been employees a lot longer than I had. How could I have felt that I knew more than they did? 

What I do know is that I had a boss who wasn’t afraid to hold me accountable. She came to my office, closed the door, and politely but firmly called me out for my behavior. She noted that my actions affected the whole team. She spoke to me about the impact of my words on others and on myself.  She asked me a critical question for my reflection. 

Was I going to continue to be part of the problem or part of the solution? 

I remember being somewhat astonished in that moment. She was a supervisor like none I’d had before (or truthfully, since). Her words to me brought me up short and caused me to realize that I was creating even more problems by being the critic in the room.

I realized that I wanted to be part of the solution. 

This was one of my first jobs, and I may not have known what it was to be part of the solution. I did know that I didn’t want to be part of the problem. Ever. 

From that point on, I made it my personal mission to be part of solutions wherever I went. 

In this season of uncertainty, distrust, rage, hate, racism, disruption, lies, and deceit, it can be hard to know how to be part of the solution.  When we are mourning or traveling the uncertainty of a major life transition, it can be easy to be quick to judge. Or to jump to conclusions. 

With mourning right on our sleeves, we get to be aware and choose how we will respond. Even in the middle of losses, we can elect to build a better emotional tool kit. We can also be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. Which do you choose? 

As a grief coach and funeral celebrant, I work with people navigating the spaces of loss. Making meaning is an essential navigational tool for moving forward in the messy emotions of grief. 

If you are coaching curious or simply needing a way to explore the questions of the moment, I invite you to sign up for the 45-minute Live the Questions offering. 

This is an effective way to learn about the co-collaborative process of coaching, as well as gaining insight about your own grief needs and how coaching might support them.