If I were to write my own “breaking news” story, it would be this. One of the places where I’ve not felt safe is when I’m mourning. After a major loss, can seem as if everything is lost – not just the loss of the one who died. The loss encompasses so much more, doesn’t it? 

I felt so ungrounded by the deaths of my parents. I wondered where “home” was after they were gone. Even though I was an adult living in a house I called my home, I still felt loss.

What was home now? 

Was it the people I loved and held dear? Was it the places I lived in…the address I drove to after work? I started to reflect on my definition of home discovering that it was both – people and place. 

After my divorce, the ground beneath my feet shifted again. A person who had been home to me was no longer home. The end of our marriage was a significant loss and an opportunity to redefine myself and home again. After all, our home was broken before our marriage ended. Still, both people and place changed. 

I moved to another home. 

One I picked out by myself. I was truly, for the first time, choosing something that would be just for me. It was a time of great change that was the result of more loss. 

I’d read the words of someone who moved into a different space after her divorce. She named her home “Esperanza” – Spanish for hope. As I considered this move, I wanted to find a place of new hope. A place in which I could create safe space for myself. A place for witnessing my own grief, the losses I’d suffered and for beginning to uncover some new creativity for the life I couldn’t yet envision. 

It was hard leaving a home I’d worked on creating. A place with gardens for flowers and vegetables. A place where I’d had dogs, raised chickens and bees and desired to create an urban farm. I realized that in leaving that home, I was also releasing some long-held dreams. But as my realtor pointed out, it would always be my divorce house. It was good not to stay there. 

Instead, I set about claiming my new safe harbor. 

My time living in a house along the river was rich in both loneliness and shared experiences with others. Moving there was a decision to redefine home, people, plac,e and safe harbor. 

It was not easy. I realize that not everyone has an opportunity for this kind of move. We all have opportunities for living our redefinitions differently, however. Perhaps you are remaining in the space in which you lived prior to the divorce. What steps have you taken to live differently in this space? Choose ways simple and small to redefine the space and make it more yours. Paint a room a different color or better, use a different room as a bedroom for yourself. 

Move furniture around within a room.  A space can feel entirely different with the bed against a different wall. Think about selling furniture you dislike. With the funds from selling, look for gently used furniture. Check consignment stores, look for sales, search Next Door and other sources for things you’d like to have to reshape how you live in the space you’ve kept. What can you do to make your space your own safe harbor? 

As a grief coach, I work with people navigating the spaces of loss. Making meaning is an essential navigational tool for moving forward in the messy emotions of grief. 

If you are coaching curious or simply needing a way to explore the questions of the moment, I invite you to sign up for the 45-minute Live the Questions offering. 

This is an effective way to learn about the co-collaborative process of coaching, as well as gaining insight about your own grief needs and how coaching might support them.