When was the last time you experienced a power outage? Living in a wooded area in central Indiana, power outages where a very real possibility. Wind and ice could bring down limbs or whole trees and with them take out the power lines. This could mean a few hours or a couple of days without electricity. Being powerless can leave one scrambling to keep warm, not lose what’s in the refrigerator or freezer or to prepare meals. Being powerless is hard.
There are life seasons when we are powerless too.
Mistakes, poor decisions, accidents, health issues and sudden losses all fit in the category of powerlessness. Changes can be sudden and costly. And we can feel totally out of control.
Not only our own circumstances, but the choices and situations of others can also leave us with a sense of powerlessness. People we love make decisions that we don’t understand – and that leave us longing for the past we knew or the future we had a plan for or dreamt of.
A diagnosis, addiction, someone else’s life choices…there are so many places in which we are personally powerless. In my own experiences of powerlessness, I have found myself grieving – what was lost, what I longed for, what was misunderstood, and the future that is no longer clear.
For all that we wish we could do for those we love, we may be utterly powerless to their choices and circumstances.
We may wish they would do a better job taking care of themselves, for instance. Wish they would assume responsibility for their actions. We may desire them to make a change – and try to encourage that change in unhelpful ways.
What my sense of powerlessness has taught me is that there are things (like the decisions others make) that really aren’t or weren’t my responsibility. It is not my job to try to change someone else’s mind or pressure them about their decisions. I may think I know what’s best for someone else, but really, do I? I can certainly be judgmental when I’m thinking I know better than someone else what they need to do!
I’ve come to learn (the hard way at times) that someone else’s decisions are their own.
What I’ve come to know is that I am most responsible for myself – the decisions, choices, actions, messes, wins and losses of someone else’s life are really none of my business. Conversely, the decisions, choices, actions, messes, wins, and loss of my own life are all my responsibility. I am accountable for all of it. And some days, I’m powerless to even manage that.
On those days, there’s nothing to do except live into the feelings around powerlessness. Taking the time to be reflective, to lean back and assess the situation, to discern whether there is something to do or whether this is totally not up to me. Finally, to trust and pray that whatever the situation is, there are hands holding it and me gently.
While that can sound easy, I know it is quite difficult. Especially when we are watching the choices of others unfold. It is hard to watch someone else’s situation become even more challenging and difficult because of their decisions. Yet, others have taught me that when I offer my two cents worth in unsolicited ways, I’m really being demeaning and disrespectful of the decision-maker. I’m not honoring who they are and what they know about themselves and their own truths. This dishonoring creates an unwanted rift between us. I must do the work of repair to restore our relationship.
Just like waiting for the power to the house to be restored, I need to focus on the things I can control.
I can make decisions only for myself about how to best care for the situation. I can seek help (a life coach is a good resource in the case of powerlessness in life). I can extend an offer of help and then listen for what’s needed without giving advice.
Finding a life transition coach is one way to build the boundaries for reclaiming or claiming your own personal power. A life coach is an excellent sounding board, a resource for strategies and an opportunity to realign your thinking within your situation. Let’s connect for a discovery session!

A watershed moments coach can come alongside your experience of grief and loss providing support, encouragement, education about the nature of grief and insight that can assist you as you mourn. Collaborating with a coach is an investment in finding your way forward after a significant life change. Connect with us for a brief introductory conversation where we will explore whether we are a fit for your current grief needs. Click here to schedule a no-charge, 20-minute conversation where we will learn more about one another.