Watershed moments…places where something pushes you into the turbulence of change can lead to important new discoveries. 

My father died unexpectedly in the fall of 2003. At the time, I had been searching for a new job. I was in a job that was untenable for so many reasons. I was ready and needed to move on. 

My father’s death brought with it a breakthrough in my thinking. I had been looking for a job in San Antonio, Texas where I’d been living for nine years. Grief and loss were a very clarifying invitation for me to look deeply at what was important. With my father’s passing, my mother was now living on a small hobby farm in central Indiana. One of my sisters lived a couple of hours away in northern Indiana. The other lived in Seattle, Washington. 

The discovery came with an awakening; perhaps I hadn’t found a job in Texas because I needed to expand my search. In his book Let Your Life Speak, Parker Palmer describes how sometimes, rather than opening doors for the direction we are to go, way closes. Way closes when circumstances or situations guide us by coming to an end. 

Often, I’ve had this experience of way closing. Doors haven’t flown open bringing new opportunities with ease. Instead, the emotional labor of endings has been directed by way of closing. 

For instance, early in my career I left the Indianapolis Zoo for a job at the San Antonio Zoo. As I held a desire for a new opportunity, the work I’d been doing at the Indianapolis Zoo was taking new shapes. Programs that I’d loved and had a sense of ownership in, ended. They were no longer going to be part of the education departments or my responsibility. Way seemed to close abruptly but really, the closing gave me the focus for myself and my future. I wanted a new opportunity. 

Similarly, the way seemed to keep closing around my time at the San Antonio Zoo. I’d been there 4 years. Some good things had happened. Some hard things had also become clear. Way was closing and at first, I didn’t want to admit that. I loved working for zoos. Yet, paying attention, it became clear that my season in zoo work was over. It was time to move on. 

All that brings me back to the season in which my father died. As I noted, I was already looking for a new opportunity. Once my dad died, it was clear that way was closing on the work I had done in Texas. It was time to move on. 

While we’d all love for doors to fly open on new opportunities and possibilities, my experience has been that of way closing. 

As I reflect now, I think noticing when the way is closing is actually more transformative. It is hard, too. It means letting go of things you love to do, of how you defined yourself. Or perhaps what you thought was a defining – your work. 

I’ve come to see way closing as a spiritual process. A fine-tuning provided by God that has drawn me in the direction I was called to go. Way closing has brought me clarity and has taught me to be more observant of my situation. Am I holding on to something that is really finished? Am I living on the threshold of past and future – teetering there because I cannot see a complete picture of what’s next?  

Can I trust the process itself? Instead of clinging to the way things are/were, can I tap into creativity and curiosity? Can I open my eyes to what may be just out of sight and also be much more than I imagine? 

These are all questions of midlife. Working with a life transition coach can help you discern whether the way is closing around something you are doing even as you live in a longing for something new. Reach out and schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session with me. We can explore a little about the transition you are in and what working with me would be like. I look forward to hearing from you!