The One Drive Photo Gallery often emails me pictures of memorable moments “on this day.” Some days I love getting these pictures – being reminded of people, animals, experiences, and places dear to me. Other days these photographs remind me of more challenging moments from the past.
Because I finally figured out how to access the pictures from my sister’s phone after she died, her photographs show up too.
These photos can be delightful, bittersweet, or meaningless. For instance, today I received images of embroidered items from an unknown place. The pictures were taken in 2016. Slowly, over time, I’ve begun to let these pictures go.
Other days, images show up that remind me of what she or I might have been doing in our daily lives at the time. Garden harvests, chickens, hikes, dogs, and visits with friends are among the pictures that surprise and delight me. They reminded me that my sister, who was suffering from a chronic pain condition, was also having good days. At the same time, my first marriage was ending so we often sought to support one another’s journey.
At that time in our lives, we spoke regularly, working around the three-hour time difference. We connected during her morning commute which was sometimes my lunchtime. We called one another during her lunch hour and my late afternoon break. Conversations were wide-ranging or simple gabbing. It was the way we remained connected across time and life’s difficulties.
In those glimpses of the past, I see a time played out in the pictures we can take with our phones. We carry those pictures with us all the time.
While I still had photo albums from the time before we could take pictures with phones, I didn’t really look at them. They just weren’t that meaningful to me. Perhaps that was also because I hadn’t had the great losses that came in subsequent years.
In moving across the country last year, I discovered I didn’t really have an attachment to most of those photo albums. Death and divorce losses made most of the pictures difficult to keep carrying. It was clear that it was time to let them go. I spent a bit of time looking through them once more. I pulled out a few individual images that felt important to me. Then, I put the rest in the trash. It felt kind of weird and at the same time, it was weirdly liberating.
I practice this same approach with the pictures that arrive in my inbox now.
It has been nearly 8 years since my sister’s death. I’m not sure why I’ve hung onto these pictures for so long, it doesn’t really matter. Now, I find I can begin to release the ones that don’t hold any special meaning to me. At the same time, I can hold and cherish the ones I choose to keep. I can decide whether to print some of them out. I can select a few to use on social media. I can keep some for myself to honor the past or cherish the present.
What I’ve learned is that there is a natural timing for this and other “sorting” processes after a death loss.
It doesn’t matter how long you keep things that belonged to your loved one. There are items you may cherish for the rest of your life. There are also things that will eventually, when it is right for you, no longer be needed in your personal collection.
No matter what, you get to choose whether you keep or release pictures or any other personal items. There is no one right or wrong way to move through this process. It is an entirely personal experience that is part of the layers of loss that come after a major loss or life change. Welcome your own personal process and choose what you release or keep for yourself.

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