Last fall I wrote about the necessity to mindfully choose who our friends are. At times, this means identifying and creating boundaries around friendship. (Hard and sad). Other times it can mean ending friendships with those who deplete us in some way. 

While all that can be true, we also need one another.  We need to keep close friends that encourage, support, inspire or honor who we are and where we are headed. 

Friends may not completely understand the choices you are making or the next steps you choose but they remain on the sidelines cheering you on. They are the ones who see you. And in seeing you, trust your process by treating you with dignity and care. Those are the friendships to nurture in difficult seasons. 

Although I moved across the country, I continue to remain connected to women I know in other places. Some are long-term friendships stretching back to childhood, college and my time in Texas, some are Indiana friends. All continue to keep in touch with me and I with them. 

Technology has changed the ways in which we can connect across miles. 

I’m grateful for that – because it enables me to connect with a high school friend in Australia, college friends through a Facebook group, video calls, text messages and phone calls. How we spend time together isn’t as important as THAT we spend time together. 

Dr. Robert Puff, PhD wrote about the importance of friends in Psychology Today. He said: 

“Having solid friendships is important for two main reasons. First, they make life more enjoyable. We get to share the beautiful aspects of life with people who we love, which can enrich our everyday experiences. Second, our friends help us through the difficult times. Having friends to support us through hard times can make unimaginably difficult situations seem more tolerable.” 

My sisters were among my first friendships – and have remained staunch supporters in hard times. I know for certain that other friends have been essential in difficult situations too. 

To be sure, there are watershed moments where the earth seems to shift under our feet and friendships are suddenly demolished in the earthquake of change. Both divorce and death losses were like that for me. Friends and in some cases family who I thought were close seemed to disappear. It wasn’t even that they remained connected to my former husband – it was that they fell off the radar. 

In all kinds of changes, it can be daunting to figure out where and who your friends are or will be. 

I met a new friend recently while visiting churches. Through this baby-step, I was invited to a book discussion group. I enjoy both yoga and swimming – and these activities have led me to meeting new people who are in the pool of potential friends.  

What activities do you enjoy? If you are like me, maybe it’s hard to remember what you enjoyed before your watershed moment. Or maybe the changes that came from your watershed experience are so big, you are having to find your way to new things that have meaning. 

It is slow going – which is actually okay. This is a season to take your time and take time for yourself. You and your new self are emerging. Exploring both your valuable on-going friendships as well as who your potential new friends will be is a curious mystery. Know that what you do to cultivate, maintain and share in friendships is essential to your overall well-being. 

“Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold…”