Watershed moments often result in changed relationships. Some of my watershed moments have come because of significant losses such as death or divorce. In the aftermath of these losses, relationships changed or disappeared completely. These collateral losses were staggering. Looking back, though, I also found them to be profoundly important. Important because they opened the door for relationships I cherish today.
You may find surprising relationships that develop out of your losses.
When my sister Lisa suffered her brain aneurysm in 2017, in another city, it was her community there that carried us through. They provided comfort, support, encouragement, food, and more support. They helped my remaining sister and I learn more about the personal and professional life of our middle sister. These friends told and continue to tell us stories of Lisa’s life.
In the aftermath of Lisa’s death, my divorce, and a move to a new part of town, new friends slowly appeared. I spent time in my loss recovery at the pool taking water aerobics classes. I met several women there who had experiences that supported my own journey. Their wisdom was a soft spot to land. Their inclusion of me gave me a sense of community.
My church also offered me a safe place to land. We celebrated Lisa’s Indiana life there. We gathered together with cousins, friends, people who had been in scouting or 4H with us and of course our parents’ friends. This community showed up and witnessed with us the loss of Lisa’s life.
When we were all grounded by the pandemic in 2020, a small group of women friends began to gather using zoom. We brought with us glasses of wine. We shared with one another how we were managing. We exchanged ideas. We made notes and prayed for one another. We have grown into a circle that continues to mee – and even though I live across the country now, I’m grateful to be included through technology.
Women in my circles are teaching me that relationships change, grow and sometimes end. While we can imagine ourselves “always” staying close. The truth is, as we change and grow through experiences, our friendships change too.
Surprising people may show us in our transitions.
Some prove to be helpers for a short time while others become lifelong friends. I believe God provides people who can support us or gives us the opportunity to support others with our knowledge, wisdom, and experience. Our personal store of threshold information may be only a little bit further ahead of someone else’s experience and it can be just enough to help in that very moment. No one person can have all the answers. Each person, though, can be just what someone else needs.
Who are your circles of support? Are there friends you trust explicitly? Who would you like to know better? Or who would like to collaborate with? Threshold seasons are a stretching time.
Share a bit of your story here! We’d love to know what you think. Stay curious!
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